14 March 2006
Ultraviolet: Zero Stars. I'm not sure I've ever given out zero stars in a review before, but this one truly earned it. It's putrid. It's awful. It's stupid, insulting, and otherwise indicative of why people (including yours truly) don't go to the movies nearly as much as they used to. When I can Netflix Season 1 of Deadwood and get 12 hours of quality television on an 80-inch 16x9 screen with surround sound, why on earth would I want to pay $10 a head to sit in a sticky-floored, cold, uncomfortable room being shown something as awful as Ultraviolet? Milla Jovovich has made a career of playing the hot buttkicker in the pretty good Resident Evil series as well as the not-so-good Fifth Element and Messenger. She knows better than to be associated with this rotting filth. The distributor should be embarrassed. The director should be flayed. Everyone associated should be embarrassed. Except Bill Fichtner, who can do no wrong.