Why I (for the most part) Stopped Going to the Movies

I love movies. I've always loved movies. It used to be my standard M.O. to go see a movie every weekend. Sometimes several movies. I've seen some of the most divine, divisive, and disappointing films to grace our theaters over the last 33 years.

Now I can't go to a movie without hearing some jackass's phone ringing, or witnessing some kid text messaging on their blindingly bright phone. When I went to see Casino Royale last weekend (my first movie since September), I caught a 2:15 matinee on Friday. I figured the digital set wouldn't be out that early. Wrong. In the row in front of me, some dude's phone rang twice before he actually ANSWERED it. Guess it would've been rude to turn it off.

Then, at one point in the movie the dude and both of his friends were all checking their text messages a the same time. Those phones are frickin' bright in a darkened theater.

And don't get me started on frackin' Vibrate mode. I can hear it when your phone is vibrating. Everyone can hear it. Turn off the damned phone. There is NOTHING, yes I mean NOTHING, that is so important that you can't be out of touch for 2.5 hours.

You might think that's not the case, but you're wrong. You have what's commonly known as an inflated sense of self-importance. Get some perspective. That email doesn't need to be returned ASAP. If it did, you'd be at work. If someone in your family is dying, or deathly allergic to something, I'm sure whomever is with them knows how to use an epi pen, or to call the paramedics. You're not going to rush home to give anyone CPR, are you? No, I didn't think so. Oh, you're a doctor? Well it's a good thing there are other doctors; a whole lot of them. Some are probably more talented than you are.

Give it a rest. Turn off your phone. Or, better yet, leave it in the car. That way when you "forget" to turn it off, only your leather seats have to hear "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor."

And kids, that backlight is BRIGHT. The only reason I'm not saying anything is that the disruption I would cause by calling you out would be worse than the one you're causing. Get out of the theatre.

Only one film I attended this year, Pirates of the Caribbean 2, was interruption-free. The theater had a very nice "zero-strike" policy regarding such things. Your phone rings, goodbye. You're texting, hasta la vista. Guess what? Great moviegoing experience.

Get your act together, theatres. It's already cheaper for me to buy the DVD than it is to buy two tickets to watch the thing on the big screen.

Rant over.