31 August 2005

My name is Bush. Stoo Bush.

Apparantly you're supposed to find a new Bond before you fire the old one. Alas, it looks like Barbara Broccoli's up shit's creek without an actor only a few months before they start shooting Casino Royale.

They've got all sorts of options in the article. Personally, I think Clive Owen is the best of the bunch, but he's already said no. Failing that, Jason Statham would be an interesting, if perhaps overly beefy, choice.

Now if Mrs. Broccoli had balls of steel-reinforced concrete, she'd go and get Robbie Williams to play the master spy. He's good-looking enough, and he can certainly smirk. I have my doubts about the claim that he's 6'1", but I think he'd be a hell of a lot of fun.

Plus he could sing the theme song.

I'll admit something publicly here that only my wife and all of my LA friends know. I'm a huge Robbie Williams fan. The man is an amazing entertainer, and I can't for the life of me understand why he hasn't been able to sell more than 10 records in the US. We danced at my wedding to She's the One, which, admittedly, is a World Party song, but Robbie's the only one who sold any records with it. Super kudos to Rik Howard Music, our band, for learning it and Angels for us.

In summary. Robbie Williams should be Bond. They'd sell a £1B worth of tickets outside the US. That's reason enough. Plus, he'd be good.

Oh, those MST3K boys...

From Kevin Murphy and Mike Nelson's website:

The Most Recent Seduction – On the heels of the 1994 sleeper hit The Last Seduction came its 1999 soft-core sequel, The Last Seduction II, rife with grammatical intimations that the previous Seduction had indeed not been the last. We offer a sequel to that sequel which we hope is at least free of syntax errors. Linda Fiorentino returns to her role as a woman who, for absolutely positively the very last time now, no kidding, must seduce someone for less than savory purposes. But this is the really truly very, completely last time. Honest.

I love grammar jokes.

30 August 2005

Now that's some serious suction.

From the AP, a story about the Katrina refugees in the Louisiana Superdome.

Quote that just defies belief:

"I was so scared I don't feel I have any entrails any more," said Mary Stewart, 80.

Any ideas as to what she was trying to say? Or did Katrina turn into a tornado and climb up her ass?

29 August 2005


Holy irresponsible headlines, Batman!

Modern Man am I

Apparantly I'm a Liberated Lover:

The Lover Style Profile Test

The Liberated Lover
54% partner focus, 57% aggressiveness, 55% adventurousness
Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Liberated Lover.

The Liberated Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and forms the kind of free-thinking, sexually-exciting, self-confident lover that society once condemned but that a liberal-mind cherishes and exults. The Liberated Lover is a treasure to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they are often already engaged in relationships or are in high-demand if "in the market."

In terms of physical love, the Liberated Lover is possibly the most thrilling and demanding of all, with the one potential drawback being that it is possible to feel 'overmatched' at times by their prowess and selfless giving. Given trust and understanding, and the right lover, the Liberated Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Exotic Lover (most of all), the Carnal Lover, or the Suave Lover.


Long weekend

I spent the weekend up in Boston for the John Belanger Bachelor Party. It won't go down in history as a evening of sin and debauchery, but we had a good time. We started out F1 Cart racing at F1Boston, followed by the prettiest 18 holes of golf I've played since Pukalani at Granite Links. Then an evening of beer and seared meat at Rock Bottom Brewery. Then we came back to John's and his fiancee Kat had made brownies. Party on. She made blueberry pancakes for us the next morning, too. John's found himself a good woman.

Took the train back, for various reasons. Barbie was in New York visiting her friend Becca and going to see Sweet Charity (w/Christina Applegate) and Glengarry Glen Ross (with Liev Schrieber, Alan Alda, Jeffrey Tambor, etc). It was the last performance of GGGR. I was quite jealous. Not so much regarding SC. I still want to see Spamalot, Wicked, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Avenue Q, and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I supposed I'll manage somehow.

The train is such a nice way to travel. I wish it were a bit cheaper, but still you don't get wasted like you do flying. Also, nowhere near the level of useless security. I've already ranted about the useless TSA, though.

All in all, a good weekend for the Bushmans. Of course, I still have some gardening to do...

26 August 2005

Damn, the man could write

I picked up a copy of Things Worth Fighting For, a collection of Mike Kelly's work, a few weeks ago at the Book Warehouse (a bargain at $6 hardback). I'm not too far into it, but wow could he spin a tale. For those who don't know who he is (and didn't see Hank Azaria play him in Shattered Glass), Mike Kelly was one of the first correspondents into Iraq during Gulf War I and died in a Humvee crash during GWII. He was a gifted wordsmith who was as adept at reporting as he was at editorializing. Terrible loss. Great book.

You can check out some of his work here, here, and, I'm sure, elsewhere.

24 August 2005

Welcome Back, Sean

Sean Landeta rejoined the Eagles as their new starting punter today. From the Philadelphia Daily News:

Landeta, by the way, drove down from Long Island yesterday in the same 1998 Acura he had when he left the Eagles. When a reporter remarked on its incongruous presence among the other players' shiny Escalades and Mercedes, Landeta had a ready response.

"It's not all that old," he said.

An interesting statement from the 43-year-old punter.

Sounds like he'll fit right in back in Philly.


Looks like my sisters-in-law both will be required to get C-sections should either decide to reproduce again. The reason: medical malpractice lawsuits.


Scott Ott usually reserves his flowing prose for biting satire, but it looks like he felt was seriously inspired today.

I'm certainly of the opinion that we've bitten off far more than we can chew in Iraq, but if Americans are good at anything, it's accomplishing the impossible against unthinkable odds. In the immortal words of Rob Lowe, "Anything is possible!" Or is it "Anything is possible!" Either way.

23 August 2005

Ah, Trainspotting

Here's a survey I can get behind...particularly since I come out as Jonny Lee Miller:

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?


Mispellings and other capitol offences.

There are few things that I find more distracting than public displays fraught with misspellings. I'm not saying that they're worse than littering and graffiti...they're just distracting. I suspect it's because it's such an avoidable problem. It's even worse when they are on professionally-made signs. I suspect the signmakers either don't know or don't care. ("Give the customer what they ask for, that's what I say!"

So today on my way to work, I pass a sign for the OGBC Outdoor FilmFest. This Friday and Saturday, they'll be showing Shark Tales and Raiders of the Lost Arc.

"Aha!" you say, all the words in that sign are correctly spelled. Yes, I know they are all technically Scrabble-caliber words. The titles are still incorrect, though, and they make the people running the event look either stupid, careless, or both. We can debate another time about which is worse.

Just my $0.02 for the day.

22 August 2005

Sunny days, sweepin' the ozone away...

Putting their money where their mouths are, a couple of Russian solar physicists have bet a British climatologist $10,000 that the average surface temperature of the Earth will decrease in the next decade. Read all about it here.

Now I'm not one to dispute that the Earth is warming. Nor will I argue that the ozone layer has some holes in it. I'll even stipulate that these are bad things. There's plenty of real evidence to support all three of the previous statements.

Where I differ is in the interpretation of the data. We've got 40 years of good satellite weather data. The Earth is 4.5 billion years old. The sun is 5 billion years old. Over the history of the Earth, there have been many ice ages. In between ice ages (that is, when it's comparatively warm), there are glacial periods. If we've had all of these eras of global cooling, who's to say that we haven't had eras of global warming? One nice thing about glaciers is they leave lots of evidence of their passing; less can be said for potential floods caused by warming.

My point is that periodic global warming may just be a normal thing for the Earth, and not a result of the industrial revolution, Aqua Net hair spray, and Freon. Since we're about 10,000 years past the end of the last glacial period, this may be pretty normal behavior. Or even if it's a few standard deviations off, that doesn't mean we're going to turn the planet into Venus before the next ice age.

Now having said that, I've got no problem making companies reduce the crap they're spewing into the air and water. I've gotta breathe, too. I just want our intentions to be clear, and not justified by scientific evidence that doesn't necessarily prove causation.

And having said that, there's an economic cost to reducing pollution. For the last 20 years or so, the arguably overly-stringent environmental laws in the US have simply forced chemical firms to go out of business or forced the entire industry abroad to eastern Europe, Asia and South America. Does it benefit the planet if, in our NIMBY-fueled attempts to reduce pollution, we just transfer the pollution elsewhere? I contend that there's an economically viable solution (i.e. acceptable level of pollution) that would benefit the ecosphere as a whole. But that's just me.

And finally, a corollary...I was talking to my dad, a chemical engineer, yesterday, and he posited that the banning of chlorofluorocarbons to make insulation foam resulted in the development of less-adhesive foam for the space shuttle boosters. How's about that for unintended consequences of the environmental movement?

20 August 2005

You want me to put What...Where?

The 40 Year Old Virgin: 3.25 Stars. Sure, I figured this film for what it was...plain old male humor, and I was perfectly satisfied (the wife felt otherwise, unsurprisingly). Steve Carell was great in this little comedy about a man who just never quite got around to doing it. They could've taken an American Pie tack of just having him meet plenty of girls and trying to sleep with them, but they took the high road and had him actually fall in love. I this instance, with the lovely (and hot-bodded GILF (no, not MILF, GILF)) Catherine Keener (whose family was conspicuously absent from most of the film). Great film. A little long, but you don't really notice. An extra quarter-star upgrade simply for the last 4 minutes. Special props to the beautiful, full-bosomed, and bloggin' Kat Dennings, who will surely turn her little role in this movie into major stardom.

19 August 2005

Hot, or not?

Okay, perhaps this is a different quiz, but apparantly I'm best described as a transfiguration teacher:

Pirate Monkey's Harry Potter Personality Quiz
Harry Potter Personality Quiz
by Pirate Monkeys Inc.


Wow, how good do these blintzes look?


Belated Review

Seen, but certainly not forgotten.

The Aristocrats: 3.5 Stars. Holy crap this movie is funny. Laugh out loud funny. Tears streaming down my face funny. Soil yourself funny. Note I said "yourself," not "myself." I'd been waiting to see this movie for months, and I wasn't disappointed a bit. It's a documentary, really, and I hope the Academy realizes its genius. The whole movie is about a joke. Just one joke with the titular punchline, "The Aristocrats". It's not even a very good joke, and I wouldn't spoil the movie by telling it, but I didn't want to know it before I saw the flick, and I assume anyone reading this wouldn't want to either. The true comedy in the joke is in its telling, which allows the comedian or comedienne to riff like Miles Davis on his horn. This joke has been an "inside joke" since the Catskill days, and the teller's job is to be as sick, disgusting, vulgar, and generally shocking as possible. Standard contents involve incest, bestiality, any and all bodily fluids, and various combinations thereof. The movie, directed by comedian Paul Provenza and magician Penn Jilette, is a ode to the joke. The directors talk to what must be 100 or so comics, each giving their own renditions of the joke. Only a few get to tell it straight through, though, since they edit in the best parts as well as commentary from the comic telling the joke. The centerpiece of the film was a very public telling of the joke by Gilbert Gottfried during a Hugh Hefner roast in New York City on Comedy Central right after 9/11. It was a legendary performance not so much for its rendition (which was spectacular), but for the injection of balls-to-the-wall, fall-down comedy into a room of people who desperately needed to laugh. My only complaint about the film is the editing, which was too back and forth for the viewer to actually get into the groove. I sincerely hope that they will have an expansive DVD version where I can see everyone tell their joke from beginning to end. Especially Gottfried's.

17 August 2005


Holy crap this is too damned funny:




16 August 2005

"I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."

Does anyone else worry a bit when a legislator wishes he could enact a law to force a person to report to work or to shut his yap?

Enter Philadelphia Councilman Frank DiCicco, who has decided to enter the Terrell Owens foray with this request to Commissioner Robert Solvibile of the Philadelphia Department of Licenses and Inspections.

Money quote:
As I’ve watched this soap opera, I found myself wishing I could legislate his acceptance of his contract or, at the least, legislate a gag for him while that contract is renegotiated. Unfortunately, we both know that that’s impossible.

And ultimately what he wants:
Please look into Mr. Rosenhaus’s business privilege license status and insure that he has paid all appropriate taxes, fees and fines and return the information to me, at your convenience.

Way to elect 'em, Philly.

15 August 2005

Phil Sheridan Replies

Mad props to Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Phil Sheridan. His Q&A Forum is about as interactive a feature as you'll find in online media with a full-time print columnist. I submitted a question this morning, and he's turned around and answered me already:

Q. Phil, Isn't it time for the Eagles to take a long, hard look at Koren Robinson? He never panned out under Holmgren, but at least he's a got a West Coast-offense background. He's still young, seems to be hungry, and will be eligible to play come October. Any thoughts?
Stewart Bushman, Olney, MD 8/15/05

A. Stewart, That's a tough call. Robinson has had his problems and you have to wonder if Andy Reid is in the mood for any more risks right now. Then again, he is good friends with Holmgren and would get a straight answer on whether Holmgren thinks a change of scenery would be enough to get Robinson back on track. Remember, Cris Carter had huge problems with the Eagles, was released and took that as a message that he had to turn his life around. He went on to have a Hall of Fame career in Minnesota. So you never know.
Phil Sheridan 8/15/05

Maybe the Eagles are due for some reverse-Karma.

Now I'll hit the exacta if Peter King answers my email in tomorrow's MMQB:TE...

The 2005 Philadelphia Phizz

Fantasy Draft 3 is in the books...this is the league I run with mostly UIUC Aero grads. Again, the hold-out Hines Ward is on my roster, but I've got faith he'll sign. Round drafted is in parentheses.

Philadelphia Phizz
QB1 Trent Green (5)
QB2 Kurt Warner (11)
RB1 Priest Holmes (1)
RB2 Willis McGahee (2)
RB3 Steven Jackson (6)
RB4 Warrick Dunn (8)
WR1 Joe Horn (3)
WR2 Hines Ward (4)
WR3 Jerry Porter (9)
WR4 Greg Lewis (12)
TE1 Jason Witten (8)
TE2 L.J. Smith (13)
PK1 Jeff Wilkins (15)
DT1 Eagles (10)
DT2 Chiefs (14)

I think the Chief's D will be pretty formidable this season with all the additions, plus Dante Hall returning kicks. We'll see, though.

12 August 2005

Jay Feely is a Giant?

I can't be rooting for a Giant! Same goes for a Redskin or a Cowboy. Excepting Jason Witten, of course.

Goodbye Jay Feely, Hello Lawrence Tynes!

11 August 2005

The Philadelphia Phrenzy

Draft #2 is over...I'm addicted; I know. Positions followed by round drafted in parentheses.

Philly Phrenzy 2005
QB1 Trent Green (3)
QB2 Brian Griese (14)
RB1 Jamal Lewis (1)
RB2 Duce Staley (5)
RB3 Michael Bennett (6)
RB4 Chester Taylor (13)
WR1 Marvin Harrison (2)
WR2 Hines Ward (4)
WR3 Eric Moulds (7)
WR4 Derrick Mason (8)
WR5 Deion Branch (12)
TE1 Randy McMichael (10)
TE2 Heath Miller (9)
PK1 Jay Feely (15)
DEF Atlanta Falcons (11)

I screwed up the autodraft a bit and drafted Miller and McMichael in successive rounds. There was a domino effect here as it resulted in me getting the Falcons D instead of the Eagles D and Brian Griese instead of Kurt Warner. The first hurts, the second not so much. Unfortunately, Miller and McMichael have the same bye.

We'll see how it shakes out...

10 August 2005

T.O. Goes Home

Looks like Terrell Owens and Andy Reid got into it at training camp. Word is T.O.'s packed up and gone. Dumbass. Who would want to deal with this sort of primadonna bullshit. When he came to the Eagles, I figured he'd started on a path that would've put him in Canton eventually if he stayed healthy. He'll be lucky now if he ends up as a Trivial Pursuit answer.

Courtesy of the Inquirer: Show T.O. the Money!

Go Daddy!

Well I've switched my webhosting to GoDaddy.com. I can't say their wardrobe-malfunction spoof commercial didn't point me in their direction. Their service seems to be great, and it's cheaper than Yahoo (100% cheaper, actually). I had previously been using Network Solutions as my webhost and Yahoo! Domains as my webpage/email forwarder for $10 a year. I probably wouldn't have even gone looking if Yahoo's service hadn't fucked up so often (the web forwarding didn't work for months, and once they fixed that the email forwarding didn't work anymore...bunch of assclowns there.)

Switching to GoDaddy makes the latter two services free and extended my domain name ownership another year, all for an $8.20 one-time charge.

So stoobush@stoobush.com works again, for the 3 of you who still use it.

Go Daddy.

09 August 2005

Miracle, my ass

Jon Stewart, who may go down as the premiere satirist of his generation (how's that for a member of the cast of Half Baked) kills virtually every night, but he took it to the next level covering the "miracle" evacuation of Air France Flight 358 in Canada.

His quote:

A miracle is defined in my dictionary as 'a marvelous event manifesting a supernatural act of G-d.' To me, the only thing that was a miracle in that situation was the lightning that hit the plane. That was the act of G-d. If anything, G-d was trying to kill these people. His plan was foiled by the crew's satanic competence. Can't someone take some human credit for a job well done? ... This is not a miracle. If the passengers had died and then, three days later, come back to life, that would be a miracle. Or, for my people...if the flames from the wreckage had burned for 8 days...

Watch it.

Great, great stuff.

06 August 2005

You win some...

At the very least today I had a very nice grilled pastrami and corned beef eggel for breakfast, so I had that going for me right off the bat.

Then we went to the outlet mall, where I got some new shoes.

Then to Harrah's Rincon Casino, where I got my ass handed to me.

On the bright side, I got through 100 pages of Ballad of the Whiskey Robber. Darn good book.

Tomorrow -- back to D.C.

05 August 2005

Q-time with the baby

Today consisted mostly of cleaning up from the bris...folding up chairs, collapsing awnings and such. Repeat sandwich from yesterday, minus the tongue, which the in-laws sent packing with Scott's parents. (It's an acquired taste.)

Got to spend a few hours this evening with 2-on-1 time with me, Barbie, and Benjamin. Then he went to sleep and Barbie and I learned how to play Anno 1503, a Catan-esque board game which looks like fun. We got it for Scott and Randee last Chanukah, but haven't played it yet.

Then the friends came over en-masse, and we had a BBQ and Baby- and Six Feet Under-watching party.

A good day for everyone except Nate Fisher.

I will say that Nate's last roll in the hay gal seemed to wear far naughtier undies than I would have thought. But maybe it's just me.

04 August 2005

Cut, cut, and cut some more

Lil' Benjamin lost his foreskin today. I can't say the little munchkin had his best day, but he performed well as can be expected under the circumstances.

Good crowd, probably around 70 people. Great food from Brent's Deli in Northridge. Had my signature corned beef, pastrami, tongue, cole slaw, russian dressing, and deli mustard on rye.

Two of 'em.

Caught the first episode of Wanted with the great Gary Cole tonight. I think he tries a bit too hard to be a reckless bad ass (excepting, of course, for his stints on The West Wing, in Office Space, and as Mike Brady), but he's always entertaining. I doubt this'll crack the shows I intend to watch, but should I happen to catch it...

Less glowing reviews for the new FX comedies, Starved and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Neither are particularly worth 30 minutes of anyone's time. Basically just network-caliber comedies with a bit 'o cussing and bare asses.

Is the sitcom dead? Not while Scrubs still lives. But, let's be honest, that's a dramedy at best. A damned good one, though.

03 August 2005

First Fantasy Draft

Well my first fantasy draft is over. This league is with some of my LA peeps, run by His Bald Jewness, Dave Horowitz.

This is a 14-man roster league with 18 teams. Draft was done by autopick...I put in my top 115 players and this is what I ended up with.

Starting lineup is unusual too: 1 QB, 2 WR, 2 RB, 1TE, 1 WR/TE, 1 WR/RB, 1 K, and 1 DEF.

This 10-man lineup leaves only 4 bench positions. I had the 6th pick, and I'll include draft round parentheses. Here's my lineup now:

Philadelphia Phalanx
QB Steve McNair (7)
WR1 Hines Ward (2)
WR2 Reggie Wayne (3)
RB1 Edgerrin James (1)
RB2 Warrick Dunn (4)
TE L.J. Smith (8)
WR/TE Jimmy Smith (5)
WR/RB Marcus Robinson (6)
PK Phil Dawson (9)
DEF Detroit (10)
Bench Travis Henry (11)
Bench Stephen Davis (12)
Bench Broncos (13)
Bench Dwayne Carswell (14)

I think McNair was a steal in the 7th round. I didn't have Phil Dawson or Detroit on my list, the autopick just threw them at me, but I don't mind because their early bye weeks are nice in a league with such a short bench. Carswell and Denver weren't on my list either, of course.

I've already put in a waiver claim for Billy Volek, dropping Carswell. Tennessee has the last bye week (week 10 or 11), so I'll be fine until then with no other-team backup so long as I land Volek, which I should.

Any thoughts? Given the number of teams in this league, I'm pretty happy with my roster.

Update: I got Volek!

Hump Day

Well yesterday wasn't as bad as it could've been. Barbie and her sister actually decided to view the body. I couldn't've done that, and would've advised against it if asked, but that wasn't my call. She seemed to get a sense of closure from it, so more power to her.

We've got a ton of food left over, plus all the food coming tomorrow for the bris.

Time to get eatin'.

Tonight...dinner with Barbie's friends and then a horribly, impossibly vulgar movie with mine.

02 August 2005

Jude Down

Well I left the wife behind last night to head out with some friends to see Jude play at Largo. The man put on a masterful show which was enjoyed by me, Nick Brandt, Dan Burgun, Matt Mondrick, and others. Jason Bierfield was a bit under the weather so he didn't join us. 'Twas great to see the old crew.

I even got a request in, as Jude was wondering who was at the show from a distance. D.C. was far enough, and "for a funeral" was more than sufficient for a Jude-plus-bass-and-drums rendition of "Prophet."

Looks like I'll join the guys again on Wednesday night for the dirtiest, foulest movie in history, The Aristocrats. 10:35 pm at the Arclight, should you care to join us. Word on the streets is that if you've ever been offended by a joke, skip this one.

Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Today...the funeral.

01 August 2005

But, Cobalt is blue?

So we're in LA now, setting up for the funeral and bris. Tables, chairs, canopies. Nothing too exciting, but the food should be excellent. I'm hitting Togo's today for my favorite #21.

I requested an economy car from Alamo. They gave me a relatively new grey Chevy Cobalt with leather seats, CD/MP3 player, and XM radio. Go Alamo!

I still prefer Sirius to XM (the NFL on Sirius is sufficient for that), but it's nice to see how the other 75% lives.